Pluto Has Been Officially Reclassified As A Planet!

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Today is a historic day—one that will bring joy to the hundreds of millions of Pluto lovers around the globe. The International Astronomical Union (IAU), the body that is responsible for naming and classifying objects in the cosmos, has just announced that Pluto has been reclassified as a major planet. That’s right, the little dwarf will be rejoining the ranks of Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Planet-X (the planet that will surely spell doom for all humanity).

As many of you know, in 2006, the IAU made their infamous vote, deciding to demote everyone’s favorite planet to a “dwarf planet.” 



Their reasoning was that too many people would confuse Pluto (the doggy of Disney fame) with Pluto (the planet, of space and stuff). Immediately after this 2006 announcement, the public exploded with outrage. There were a number of campaigns launched that were aimed at ensuring that Pluto was reinstated as a planet. These met with no success.

Pluto was officially classified as a dwarf planet.

But all of that just changed, After years of deliberation, the IAU announced in a press release that they have reclassified the icy world—they upgraded Pluto back to its proper standing as a planet. “We simply underestimated the public’s attachment to Pluto. 

We realized our error shortly after the decision came down to demote it,” said Dr. Amy Joggy, professor at the Institute of Planetary Studies and head of the IAU’s Planetary Classification and Experimental Nomenclature Task Force. “We didn’t think anyone would really care if a little clump of ice and rock on the outskirts of the solar system was reclassified. Clearly, we dun messed up, and that makes me super sad face. Today, we take steps to correct this most grievous of errors.”


In addition to Pluto’s reclassification, Dr. Joggy has also proposed that the IAU create a new category of planet called a “hyper-planet.” These hyper-planets, according to Dr. Joggy, are like regular planets but at least two times as awesome (thanks to the fancy, fancy name).

It has also been proposed that Pluto be made an honorary member of this new planetary class. “In all honesty, we feel bad for the way we treated Pluto and, more importantly, all those that cared about it so greatly- the public showed us our error. Hopefully, the new class of planet will be created without a hitch, and Pluto will be added as the first member. It’s only fair.”

Say it with me now, “Yay!”

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4 comments:

  1. I've always considered Pluto as part of our Family. And now we have 9 cousins in a nearby Solar System of their own. The Family just keeps growing and growing.

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    1. We could call every similar object to Pluto part of the Kuiper Belt planets, and all the asteroids in the Asteroid Field between Mars and Jupiter planets as well and the 'Family' would number in the millions or billions even. Then there is the Oort Cloud, and all the moons. What makes any of those objects any different if we classify planets arbitrarily based on feeling.

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  2. So, part of me questions this move; If scientists have actual criteria for the classification of 'Planet', and Pluto does not meet that criteria; then, no matter how much we would like for Pluto to be classified as a Planet, perhaps, as the truth suggests, Pluto should not be classified as a planet. We can't simply let facts be changed/altered simply because we 'wish' it was. Is this not fundamentally the same argument that Fossil Fuel industries try to make about climate change, that they really wish it wasn't an imminent threat, and they try to change the actual science so it represents that wish. Unfortunately, no matter how much we want it to be, Pluto is not a planet; by calling Pluto a Planet it causes the classification Planet to have less meaning; Frankly, when we actually allow this to happen (Change Science to meet popular demand), we cause science as a quest for knowledge to have less meaning.

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  3. How can you possibly take a panel of scientists tasked with the job of decided how things are logically grouped together to make knowledge more efficient, seriously when they would allow something that is not a planet to be grouped with other actual planets simply because we feel bad for it? It feels like its part of the family? What does the classification of 'Planet' even mean, is it perhaps simply whatever we think we should call a planet, we call a planet; well, that definition is meaningless, scientifically speaking.

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